How I See Myself Now
Here is an introspection letter from a patient.
I now focus on myself more than ever. I really don’t focus on anyone else around me at all. I used to pay attention to everyone around me so much that I would notice if a button was missing on their polo shirt. Now I’m focused on my recovery, well-being, and attitude towards daily situations that come up and my response versus reactions. It has been coming so unbelievably natural to me, to behave and comply with the rules and directions I have every day.
I’m a woman who is caring and helpful of those who ask or seem interested in some counsel or advice. I stand up for what I believe is right. I confront what I believe is wrong. I set boundaries daily. It feels amazing that the guys around me here at Wellington Retreat don’t treat me like a slut or piece of ass because I came in here, set boundaries through my actions of respecting myself, respecting others and keeping my words and actions “PG”. It honestly feels amazing to have respect. If I’m just delusional right now and am finding so much value, love and hope for myself that maybe I think others see that too – but they may actually not see that, then I don’t care! For once I honestly don’t care for being the center of attention. I am a young woman becoming more reserved and content with being alone. I finally realize there is a major difference between being alone and able to sit with myself peacefully and alone.
I am watching how I word and vocalize things daily either by not saying anything too personal to the wrong person, saying too rude of words, not saying impulsive words when angry.
I finally feel recovery and steps are important. Every day I am trying to use step one to accept step two and step three to continue having hope and my best to turn my will over to God ASAP! Change is a process, I don’t necessarily like change but I love change within myself. Especially change within that’s big enough so far, that I can see it. I am a beautiful young woman with many wonderful amazing things to say, I have so much to live for. I am more aware of myself, for once! Check myself before I speak, act or sometimes think.
Every day is a process. My change is taking major dedication but self-reliance, self-love, self-worth feels amazing.
I’m not whole. Who knows when that will be? Probably won’t be till I least expect it, but even though I not 100%, I can be or have the potential to be. I can’t imagine what that feels like because being this content, secure, loved and respectful. Feels pretty damn amazing!