This World is Full of Color
Dear Dr. Moran,
I am writing this letter to express ten things that I am grateful for, to which Wellington has opened my eyes.
When I was first admitted, I had a huge feeling of dislike towards my sister, but opening up about my feelings made me realize that I only saw myself in her. Because I was not happy with myself, I was not happy with her.
February 25th was the last day that I cut myself. If I had never came here, I would still be cutting, or even worse: dead.
Three months ago, I could not have cared less if I was dead–I never saw the worth in my life. Now, I realized that I am only 15 years old! I have nothing to lose but everything to gain!
Number four is a big one, too. I never saw the value in everything I had until it was taken from me. I am grateful for everything from my two beautiful horses right down to something as simple as dryer sheets. Crazy, right?
Number five is my parents. I have always loved them but never realized all the hard work they put in just to help me be happy.
The best thing they have ever done for me is send me here. I thank God every day for it.
Number six is medicine. I always believed that somewhere out there existed a magical pill that would make my MDD go away. I did not realize my actions, such as self-harm and isolation, was what was keeping me depressed. That leads to numbers seven and eight: opening up about trauma and being able to trust again. I never knew how to deal with the trauma. I kept all the abuse stories to myself, thinking it was better off that way. Eventually, that made me feel a lot of guilt and shame. I never showed the battle scars.
I had to realize that people care about me.
They want to help me get better and live a happy life. I learned who those people are. Numbers nine and ten are for me to choose my friends wisely and to change my depressed lifestyle to a happy one by doing small things like talking, not cutting.
Wellington has changed my life and made me grateful for so many things. It has opened my eyes to the bright and beautiful world that is not black and white, but full of color. I can’t thank you enough.